How to effectively and politely get rid of any door to door salesperson

Doort-to-Door-Professional-Fundraiser-Soliciting-Donations-Donors-Professional-fundraising-agreement-fundraising-regulations-Urban-Birken-nonprofit-attorneys-nonprofit-lawyer-nonprofit-law-firm-Minnesota-Wisconsin In my neighborhood we are frequently visited by door to door sales people.  The zenith of my interaction with merchant’s that knock upon my door was this week.  A salesman selling insulation accompanied by a person in a pink panther costume.  I enjoyed this unique sales pitch, however it still interrupted my dinner.  Over the past ten years I have carefully honed my ability to get rid of salesmen, politely and quickly.  I will now share this skill with you.

Home Improvement Contractor: “My brother is a licensed contractor and I use him to support his business”

Meat salesman: “My wife is a vegan”

Cable guy selling cable: “I do not own a tv”

Cable guy selling phone service: “I only use a cell phone”

Cable guy selling internet: “Internet? I have heard about that thing and I want to get my Commadore 64 on it.”

Cable guy selling all three: “Have you seen that show Breaking Amish? I am one of those people and next week I am going back to Lancaster”

Lawn Cutting Service: “Sorry my neighbor and I have a bet on who can grow the longest beard and lawn”

Tree Trimming Service: “Why must you inflict so much pain on mother earth? Last week you cut down my neighbor’s Boxelder! Did you hear his cries over the hum of your machines?”

Lawn Fertilizer Service: “Last week a contractor came by and he is coming next week to pave the whole yard, all of it, I don’t want a blade of grass left”

Gutter cleaning: “Yes, I want my gutter’s cleaned.  But first, I need to see your certificate of completion of the OSHA ladder and scaffold safety course.”

Guy offering free sittings for family portraits: point to your forehead and say in a gravelly whisper “I keep all the pictures of my family up here”

Girl Scouts selling cookies: “My wife has the ‘betes’ and Doc said if she don’t watch her sugars she is gonna lose her foot.”

Girl Scouts selling nuts: “My son is allergic to nuts, last week he saw a planter’s commercial on TV and I had to stick him with the epipen”

Boy scouts selling popcorn: “I come from a family of soybean farmers and I can not support ‘Big Corn'”

Boy scouts selling doughnuts: “I don’t eat gluten or anything that tastes good”

Guy selling art prints: “I only display the art of my children and H.R. Giger”

Amway: “I am glad you knocked on my door, I have a life changing business opportunity for you, its called direct marketing and the best part your customers become your employees.”

Herbalife: “Tell me, If you were having a heart attack, would you want the doctor to treat you with a dash of oregano?”

Vacuum salesman: “I only use riding vacuums”

Avon: “I only use make up that has been tested on animals, specifically my golden retriever.  He is available tomorrow for a consultation”

Magazine sales: “I only read swank and juggs”

 

 

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